Secrets
by narrizan
Summary: He hopes Bookman never finds his cache of secret journals. Part 34 of the 49 Days series on AO3. More Lavi introspection.


Secrets

Notes: Usual disclaimers apply. Not for profit, for fun only.

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Lavi keeps journals. This is not surprising because he IS a Bookman after all. There ARE however some of these journals that he writes in that are only for himself. Like when he writes all the meanings of Yuu's name in Japanese, or those times he writes about talking to Miranda or Lenalee, or when he wishes that Allen would or should be more heartless, less self sacrificing.

He also writes in it about the fanciful idea that he has about the heart of Innocence, and maybe Innocence in general. Fanciful because he has no proof and wants - needs - to think on it more before he waves it in front of Bookman or Komui, and certainly not before anyone like Lvellier.

So the idea is that what if the Heart, is more like the human heart in more ways than one? What if the heart, so long searched for but in vain, is not one piece, but like a human heart with four chambers, is simply made up of four pieces or maybe five or more even. Personally, if it had been him at the end of the War seven millennia ago, with the heart, he would have destroyed it and scattered it to the winds. There are supposedly one hundred and nine pieces of Innocence plus the Heart. Why can the heart not be in pieces too? Why make it easy for the Earl to find? It isn't because he's having a hard time of finding it too, but that is besides the point.

That brings him to the other thing about Innocence. What if every time a Noah destroys Innocence, it just gets crushed but its shards, its tiniest particles just escape into the atmosphere to coalesce somewhere else. Lavi sees Innocence as energy - he is beginning to think of as sentient energy. Energy cannot be created or destroyed after all, but it can convert into different types of energy. After all Allen's reacted to plug the hole in his heart after Tyki plunged his hand into his chest to kill him. This is after believing that the Noah had obliterated the Innocence. Lenalee's transformed, evolved into something more potent, more in tune with her as its accommodator, how initially it had protected her. How it assessed her conviction for the Innocence, beyond need or want, to follow its will. The evolution of Innocence is something of public Order knowledge, but there is something deeper here that he - not just the Science Division - wants to think on more.

However, his is not evolved yet and maybe just lying dormant. Who knows? Simply waiting for his synchronization rate to increase, waiting for him to pick a side, to acknowledge his heart? But he mustn't, absolutely must not evolve into the crystalised type because it goes against the Bookman's tenets. Or something. Because. Because, there is no clear directive on that, as heretofore no Bookman before them has ever picked a side. Has ever joined a war. Become a soldier in a war.

There are other things that he does not tell Bookman but he feels the need to write them down, in case, something happens to him and they need his eyes and thoughts still to think about these things, someone might read them … somehow it might help. For example, when Cross Marian talks about a third side, and when Bookman says that there must be a reason the Earl has kept the Order going for a hundred years, it makes him question if the two seemingly separate events are somehow connected, and connected through Allen's own transformation or rather his 'hosting' a Noah within him. To the knowledge of the General, and Lavi does not doubt that there are others who were in the know as well. This third side that the General alluded to before his disappearance.

For now - his logs and journals will continue, as they must. Whilst Bookman's records are a matter for the Bookman, he is not sure what use his personal musings might be to anyone else, but it does help sometimes to see things clearer. Which settles the fact that it can only be good for the Bookman's official records.

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FIN

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Notes: This is for posting date 2 Sept. If it was your birthday then, I'm so very sorry this is late, Happy Belated Birthday anyway!

More meagre offerings from me. I hope to slowly catch up somehow.

As ever thank you for coming to read, much love - Zan

Part 34 of the 49 Days series


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